Its just me. Why am I writing a blog? Why will I continue to Blog? Since I am the only person who will ever see them, read them , acknowledge them. Ya my own secret diary. I remember when diaries where the size of a book with a tinny key , that we hid under the bed.
Nothing is working for me no matter how hard I try. No matter how long I work… No matter how long I drive… No matter how long I pray… No matter how tolerant I try to be with and for others…
My hair is falling out. My face won’t stop breaking out. My life is falling out of place. After all I’ve been through, I’m still here. I’m going though a point in my life journey that I want and need to get rid of every thing and begin again. What is happening to me , I don’t understand this mentality switch that is coming over me. I am realizing that I have not been happy or fulfilled in life. I have been continuing the same endless cycle for to long. I what to chance my hindsight moments.
I try to think before I speak , most of the time. There are times when I have not spoken up when I should have . And times I’VE SPOKEN WHEN I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH CLOSED. I’m tired of ending up right back at the beginning. I seem to fell at every thing I try to do… SO I’M THRU…
So many people around me demand respect but they don’t know how to give it. This open disrespect is killing me. This complete knowledge of knowing wright from wrong seems to escape them. They pretend with words that they understood, but their actions portray only self understanding and selfish desire. Some portray them selves as the all knowing with no intent of being understanding to the misunderstood. Then their are the watcher that see all and tell all , only to be the one that mock all. And trying to please them is hardest of them all. They stand so tall with their backs extended. But they have dismay for those who are only 4 feet tall. I’m so tired of pretending every thing is okay.
Have you ever heard the expression ” Damned if I do , damned if I Don’t”. That is how I have been feeling. More so today than ever before. All day I have been in a funk and no matter how hard I pray… hard I work… how hard I fight this felling of dismay… how I fight this felling of being a failure… This felling that nothing will ever go my way. This unhappiness will not leave me be.
I don’t care for social media. I don’t believe in the advertising hype. sense I don’t know what the hell I’m doing while on the site, any way I’m not going to be wasting any more time on that mess for now. I know you say watch some you tub video’s. I still say no. I have to many other leaning tutorials on photography for dummies’ to watch and learn. My web site needs my attention more than social media is not a productive way to spend my time at this moment, so their is no way I’m signing into another social media site.
I’ve been out done with myself today I through my last 3 hand written blogs in the trash. I might dig them out later if I don’t forget. I don’t care. I’ve been writing my thoughts down about things I can blog about. I have enjoyed putting may thoughts on paper. So I will continue to blog if only to have an outlet for these bottled up emotions. I’m loosing my mind and my memory is deteriorating. So writing has helped me in some ways ,that I am thankful for. I’m learning how to spell better with the help of Alexa. I guess I could look at those 2 positive things to build on. But its been a challenge today to keep moving forward. I’m starting to rethink my ability to be positive. As I think ” What will not work for me tomorrow.” I will still be BACK AT IT.
Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Safari.
I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do
with web browser compatibility but I thought I’d post
to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved soon. Many thanks